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Title: Marriage Roles: Husbands, Part One; The RIGHT love.
Intro:
Husbands, love your wives
Most of you are aware that there are four Greek words in the New Testament that translate into English as “love”.*
Each of these four Greek words denotes a different type of love, and it is critical that we know which of these words is used if we hope to understand the gravity of what Paul is commanding of Husbands here.
*This is actually a false statement; anyone know why?
Eros:
Eros: erotic love, driven by desire
Eros does NOT actually appear in the New Testament (it was a commonly used word of the day) and eros was used in the Septuagint (The first century greek translation of the Hebrew O.T., especially when translating Song of Solomon.)
Storge:
Storge: Refers to family love, the kind of love there is between a parent and child or between family members in general. It is love driven by blood.
Romans 12:10 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor,
Phileo:
Phileo speaks of a brotherly friendship and affection. It is the love of deep friendship and partnership. It might be described as the highest love of which man, without God’s help, is capable of. It is fondness, or love driven by common interests and affection. (Guzik)
Example from John 11
When Mary came to where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet and told Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died!”
When Jesus saw her crying, and the Jews who had come with her crying, He was angry in His spirit and deeply moved. 34 “Where have you put him?” He asked.
“Lord,” they told Him, “come and see.”
Jesus wept.
So the Jews said, “See how He loved [phileo] him!”
Agape:
“Agape has to do with the mind: it is not simply an emotion which rises unbidden in our hearts; it is a principle by which we deliberately live.” (Barclay)
When Paul says “Husbands, love your wives” the Greek word is Agape.
Guzik:
Agape really doesn’t have much to do with feelings – it has to do with decisions.
Eros, storge, and philia each speak about love that is felt. These describe “instinctive” love, love that comes spontaneously from the heart.
Paul assumes that eros (desire) and phileo (fondness) are present.
Christians should not act as if these things do not matter in the marriage relationship. They do matter. But Paul’s real point is to address a higher kind of love, agape love. Agape describes a different kind of love. It is a love more of decision than of the spontaneous heart. It is as much a matter of the mind as the heart, because it chooses to love the undeserving
When we confuse the loves, here’s what can happen:
Sam O’Neil:
After the resurrection, Peter was forced to confront his failure when he met again with Jesus. Here’s what happened, and pay special attention to the Greek words translated “love” throughout these verses:
15 When they had eaten breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love [agape] Me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I love [phileo] You.”
“Feed My lambs,” He told him.
16 A second time He asked him, “Simon, son of John, do you love [agape] Me?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I love [phileo] You.”
“Shepherd My sheep,” He told him.
17 He asked him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love [phileo] Me?”
Peter was grieved that He asked him the third time, “Do you love [phileo] Me?” He said, “Lord, You know everything! You know that I love [phileo] You.”
“Feed My sheep,” Jesus said.
John 21:15-17
There are a lot of subtle and interesting things going on throughout this conversation. First, Jesus asking three times if Peter loved Him was a definite reference back to the three times Peter had denied Him. That’s why the interaction “grieved” Peter—Jesus was reminding him of his failure. At the same time, Jesus was giving Peter an opportunity to reaffirm his love for Christ.
Speaking of love, notice that Jesus started out using the word agape, which is the perfect love that comes from God. “Do you agape Me?” Jesus asked.
Peter had been humbled by his previous failure. Therefore, he responded by saying,”You know that I phileo You.” Meaning, Peter affirmed his close friendship with Jesus—his strong emotional connection—but he wasn’t willing to grant himself the ability to demonstrate divine love. He was aware of his own shortcomings.
At the end of the exchange, Jesus came down to Peter’s level by asking, “Do you phileo Me?” Jesus affirmed His friendship with Peter—His phileo love and companionship.
This entire conversation is a great illustration of the different uses for “love” in the original language of the New Testament.
PB’s Conclusions for Consideration:
Comparatively Speaking:
Eros is easy; to be physically attracted to the wife, to have desire for her; to want to be intimate with her.
Storge is easy; to want to be familial with your spouse; to desire to live life together; raise children; to be faithful to defend/love/serve those of your bloodline
Phileo is easy; to feel companionship and partnership with your spouse; to call your spouse your best friend; to be willing to joyfully enjoy the gift of life together on your adventures into old age
Agape is hard; to DECIDE each day to remain faithful (in body AND mind), to DECIDE to show grace when you have the right to show judgment, to DECIDE to subjugate your own needs for the needs of your spouse. It is NOT something we “feel” is is who we decide to be to our wives, second by second.
Next Week: We will look at the three reasons why agape is the commandment, what is means to “love your wife as Christ loved the Church” and what that means, not only for wives, but also for Christ, and HIS church.
QA