(Audio and Text)
Title: Divorce
Unfortunately, today’s message does not cover something uplifting. Today we talk about a plague that is infecting our society in America, both inside and outside the Church. Divorce is a touchy subject to deal with because it has affected so many of our lives.
My mother and father were divorced shortly before I turned four years old. Yet I consider myself very fortunate compared to many of my friends who’s parents suffered a similar fate.
I was a child of an amicable divorce. My parents lived only 30 minutes from each other, they both loved me, and they provided for me and they treated each other with dignity and respect, so many of the scars of divorce that some of us have witnessed, things like parents forcing children to take sides, wicked fighting, grudge holding, these things I didn’t have to deal with, though most families who experience a divorce go through at lest some of these awful things.
Today, I want to be more pastoral than doctrinal with you. I want to lay out my intended goals for today’s message and leave plenty of time for Q & A at the messages conclusion. Here’s what I hope to illustrate to you this morning:
- What, exactly, is the teaching?
- Who does this teaching apply to?
- Are there any exceptions?
- Are divorced men disqualified from leadership?
So let us come humbly before God’s written word, and beg mercy of him, that we might understand His statutes, and understand why they are in place.
(read/pray)
- What, exactly, is the teaching?
In other words, when is a divorce permitted? Let’s look at Deuteronomy 24:1-4 to see what the Mosaic Law said about the issue. (Read) Now the key I want us to understand is that “uncleanness” in verse 1 is NOT talking about adultery. If you look at Deuteronomy 22:22 Adultery is punishable by death. This, rather, is some sort of unsatisfactory flaw the husband finds in his wife. The issue here is that the fact of divorce is recognized, but not authorized by God.
And why did God allow, through the mosaic covenant, for men to divorce their wives? Look forward with me to Matthew 19:8 (read).
So God granted them permission to divorce, though He hated it fully.
But now Jesus, in Matthew 5:31-32, today’s passage, is offering a deeper understanding. He says, in verse 31, “Look, we all know that the O.T. Law permits divorce, but I’m telling you now that the only way you can get divorced without being in sin is if the other spouse has committed adultery against you.”
And here is the key: Marriage is a covenant agreement between a man and a woman before God and his witness of the Church that two should become one flesh. It is eternally binding, as long as both parties are living.
The only thing that can break that covenant is if one or more of the parties becomes one flesh with someone else. Then the original covenant between man a wife is broken.
In other words (forgive me Mary), if Mary cheats on me I could divorce her, and remarry another without sinning, because she has broken the covenant of our oneness. Now, the right thing for me to do is to seek reconciliation, but if that cannot be done, or if I am too broken or prideful to do that, then I can break the marriage without being in sin myself.
(Here’s a teaser: I could get divorced without sin, but I don’t think I could remain as a pastor if I remarried….more on that in a few minutes.)
However, what Jesus says here is that the ONLY qualification for divorce is that covenant of oneness being broken by infidelity. It is NOT permissible to get divorced because:
- We have money issues
- We just don’t love each other anymore
- We were never in love
- It was a foolish and rash decision
- We’ve grown apart
And here is why these reasons are unacceptable: None of them break the oneness of the marriage covenant. So if either party, or both, get divorced for any reason other than the oneness covenant being broken, BOTH parties are guilty of adultery by sleeping with their new spouses.
- Who does this teaching apply to?
Believers.
We can’t (and don’t) hold the world to our standards of what the marriage covenant really is. The world will continue to get married and get divorced. We have to stop getting divorced, or at least stop divorce when adultery isn’t involved.
And where does that begin? By making sure that we are teaching our young dating and courting couples how sacred marriage really is.
- Are their any exceptions?
What do you think my answer to this question is? (take answers)
I think there is a theological exception and it involves the second question, “Who does this teaching apply to.
If a person is married and then divorced, and then becomes a Christian, I think they are a new creation, and for them to find a believing spouse and to marry them and covenant before God is permissible.
Also, the Bible has clear teaching on the faithful duties of a couple that is already married and one of the spouses becomes a believer but the other does not. That believing spouse should remain faithfully married to their partner, and pray for their salvation, while emulating Christ in the relationship.
In other words, becoming unevenly yoked after the fact of marriage does not void the marriage covenant. Again, the only thing that voids the marriage covenant is adultery.
- Are divorced men disqualified from leadership?
I think they are. Here’s why. Paul is very clear in I Timothy that a bishop (pastor) must be the “husband of one wife”. Now this teaching by Paul actually means three things:
- Can’t be a polygamist
- Can’t be married after being divorced (two wives total)
- Can’t be married but unfaithful to his wife
(Charles Stanley divorced in 2000 after 46 years of marriage, and refuses to remarry b/c he won’t sacrifice his calling as a minister.)
Close:
Why did I choose to include the fourth point today? It really wasn’t from our source text? So why did I choose to make an observation about divorced men and leadership? Because if there is just one thing I want you to take away from today’s message it is this: God takes marriage very, very, very seriously.
Sadly, we do not.
When divorce rates in the church mirror that of the secular world, something is very wrong with what we are and are not teaching about marriage.
If you are single, I pray that you would you would be asking yourself two questions: 1. Am I sure that God is calling me to marriage? 2. Can I accept God’s standard for marriage?
If you are dating I pray that you would ask two questions: 1. Have my significant other and I talked about our views on what marriage is, and have we eliminated divorce as a possibility from our relationship? 2. Can I accept God’s standard for marriage?
If you are currently married I pray that you would ask only one question: 1. Does our marriage reflect God’s standards?
pray
Q/A